Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
