I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
