well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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