The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize