I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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