I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
