well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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