I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
