I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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