i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
