nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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