My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize