My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
