We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
