i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
