My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
