I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
