So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
