some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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