i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
