That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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