Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
