Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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