weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
