the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
