I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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