Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
