hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
