yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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