I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
