I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
