On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize