i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
