Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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