Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
