sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
