I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize