Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
