Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
