I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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