so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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