i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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