If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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