I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
