I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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