Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
