I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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