White coat. Heels.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
