I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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