Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
