i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
