there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
