This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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