I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
