If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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