yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
