I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im six kinds of drunk right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
