just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
