oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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