i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize