you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
