Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize