I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
