I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
