two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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