My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
