My Higher Power is John Stamos
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ugly people sure do ruin things
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
