Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
