I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
