His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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