she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
