East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
